The Paul O'Grady Show

Witch is considering a career in TV after her appearance on the Paul O'Grady show...

I awoke yesterday morning in eager anticipation of a fun-filled, celeb-packed day at the London Television Studios. That place has long intrigued me, ever since I walked past one day on my way to the Oxo Tower and saw Christine Hamilton doing a live televised survival course on the roof for This Morning.

TV is a different world. It's all "security" this, and "have you got your pass" that. You can't even go to the loo without being collared by some well-meaning runner. It's not their fault. They're under order to chaperone you to within an inch of your life.

They also seem to be under strict instruction to feed you at every opportunity. It's a good idea. Those stroppy celebs don't like to be kept waiting, especially when there's a sea of low-grade paps waiting outside for them. The TV people cleverly provide food as a pacifier. The dressing room is a cornucopia of cakes, biscuits, sandwiches, tea, coffee, juices...

Let's be honest. It probably goes to waste when the likes of Angelina and Paris come in to promote their latest ventures.

Not so today. Every morsel went.

It's easy to spot the theatre people in a TV studio. We're the ones stuffing our faces and putting biscuits up our sleeves for later, you know - just in case. We're not used to such spoils.

I was hoping to get a glimpse of Phil and Fern thrashing it out over wages, or at the very least Jane McDonald and Carol McGiffin mid-slanging match in the cafeteria, but the most I got was Justin Lee Collins sweeping grandly down to the first floor in a pair of outsize sunglasses. (FYI we were in a sunless stairwell miles from the entrance, ample time for him to have removed them. No. He meant to wear those shades indoors.)

The team at The Paul O'Grady Show were still cobbling together a mini-church set for us when we arrived at the studio. I was grateful for the camera rehearsal. Having lived and breathed the musty air of theatre for the last ten years, I found it difficult not to stare directly into the lense. I even got a bizarre urge to pull crazy faces and wave, but thankfully I managed to control it.

Paul O'Grady loved our rendition of Raise Your Voice and the audience seemed to as well, although it can be difficult to tell with a telly crowd because they'll applaud someone blowing their nose. Not so much a sign of true appreciation as an eagerness to be noticed.

Look out for me, chickens. I'm the one in the habit.